The First Month

That first month and a half of our marriage seems so long ago, even though it's been less than a year. It was fairly peaceful and fun at first, even if we did have to deal with messy inconsiderate room mates. I don't really want to complain about them too much, because nobody is perfect, but MAN they were a pain in the butt!! I really could go on about them all day, but I won't because they could say the same thing about me... I will just say they made me very grateful for the way I was raised and all the things my parents taught me (even if I wasn't following any of it all that often).

Sometime in that first month, I remember I started to feel a longing to get back into church. It was a weird feeling because I had not been an active member for quite a few years and I didn't know why I was having these feelings other than I felt something was missing from my husband's and my life, and I knew that was it. However, I pushed all those feelings aside because I was scared that if I changed my life that much, it would all fall apart between Chris and me just when we were finally holding things together. Yes, I know that not inviting God into a spousal relationship was a recipe for disaster. Yes, I knew the reason Chris and me had so many problems was the very thing I was pushing away. But I was scared. I had no courage, no hope or faith in anyone but my own abilities, which I also knew were inadequate. But I still pushed God away, ignoring the ever increasing need for His guidance and love.

Also, sometime in that first month, our roommate's friend (we'll call her C.S.) moved onto our couch. She was 19, cute, outgoing, and as she told Chris and me over and over, she didn't live by any rules. She soon made her intentions very clear to me. She wanted my husband, and since rules didn't apply to her, she'd stop at nothing to get him. To say the situation in our apartment became hostile is an understatement. She knew what she was doing was wrong. I could tell by the way she would become quiet when I entered the same room, the way she could never hold my gaze. The way she always pouted and got moody when she thought she'd get Chris to herself for a few hours only to find out I was hanging around. Yes, I knew exactly what she was up to. So what did I do? I can tell you I didn't turn to God. No, I was still way too stubborn to do that. Someone once told me that the word stubborn is synonymous with "selfish". It means the same thing, and its true. Instead of having faith in God to help me, I tried to control the situation myself. If he went down the hallway, I went too. If he was going somewhere, I came too. If I heard C.S. talking to him, I was immediately there to see what she was saying. If he didn't come home right after work, I yelled. And I admit, because of all the stress and because I didn't trust her, I didn't trust him either. A marriage can't exist with no trust. You can imagine how hard it was for him, not having one second of the day to himself, with me always there, always asking what he'd been doing or if she'd texted him, etc. I was driving myself crazy, even. But I couldn't help it, not when this girl was everywhere. I'd go to Chris' work to see him (and to be controlling yet again) and she would be there. Every time. She texted him constantly. We'd go bowling, she would come. We'd go to the base near our apartment, she would come. She was EVERYWHERE. I felt like if I left Chris alone for more than a minute with her I'd lose him. She's very persuasive. Needless to say, the way I handled things wasn't helping. What idiots we all are sometimes! Even though it was stressful, it wasn't as bad as it was going to get. We still had some good times, we still laughed a lot and had fun and pretty much layed around watching tv. Times were good. I'd put a picture up but I kinda deleted all my pictures of us that I took after we were married... I got angry one day. It happens ha ha! So I'll skip a picture for this post. But guess what?!

 On January 22nd, I took a little test that morning, and the results came out positive. I was pregnant!! AAHHHH!!!!!