I am such a horrible blogger. It comes from my lack of patience. Anyway, I don't really like talking about the next part much, so I suppose I'll just have to get it over with. Plus I'm getting bored with this part of the story.
Chris and me did ok for awhile, and then in early April he told me he wanted a divorce again, and this time his decision was final. I refused to leave, until I finally gave up and moved back into my parents in May. All of this meant placing my baby for adoption. Neither Chris or me had the financial, emotional, or mental capabilities to care for a child, and our parents weren't in the position to help. Also, I wasn't about to let my baby grow up without two parents in the same home.
After I moved back into my parents, Chris again went back and forth on what he wanted. Sometimes it was literally every two days where he would go from wanting a divorce to wanting to stay together. I wasn't any better. At that point, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I had been brought to my knees and I didn't know how to get back up. (That turned out to save me, in the end.)
Chris did not want to place, and so at first I was nervous that he was just going back and forth on us until our baby was born, and then he'd get the divorce and ask for custody. But then I thought about him, and yes, he has his faults, just like me, but he would never do something like that.
Soon after I moved back in to my parents, I quit my job. No two week notice, no phone call. I just didn't go in. My anxiety was taking over my mind again, and at that point I was helpless to stop it. I don't even know how to explain what happens when I get anxious. I can't think straight, and I literally cannot control my muscles or thoughts. At this point, I've learned to control that somewhat, but back then, every time anxiety hit, there was nothing I could do.
This is pretty much all I can remember about that part of my life.
At least happier times were ahead!
My favorite childhood meal (and now a big comfort food. Ha ha!)
Crunch Top Potatoes
1/3 cup margarine
3 or 4 large potatoes, peeled and cut into small cubes
3/4 cup crushed corn flakes
1 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp paprika
Heat oven to 350. Melt butter in a large bowl, then add potatoes, salt, and paprika. Mix until well coated. Spread out onto a cookie sheet and add a layer of cornflakes on the top. Bake 30 minutes. Put cheese on the top of the cornflakes the last 5 minutes of bake time.
